The Words given by My Parent That Helped Me as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk between men, who often internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - spending a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."